Deeply Touched Inside —Making Love with a Real Person - E-book - ePub

This book is an encouragement to put love and sex together in an intimate, ongoing relationship. In a world soaked in porn and fantasy, there is a tendency for people to treat each other as "sex objects" outside of who you are "as persons". I consider that this book is an anti-porn book, because it encourages making love to a real person, and getting that right. What happens before sex, and what is anticipated to happen after sex, in all the areas of a relationship which have nothing to do with sex, has a profound effect on one's experience within sex.
That is to say, who you, and your lover are "as persons" has a profound effect, for good or bad, on your sexual experience. The person who "turns you off as a person" is likely to turn you off sexually. But when you are "turned on by your lover as a person" there will be a far better possibility of being turned on sexually in the best way possible. This book then describes in short easy poetry, some ways in which we are relating to each other outside of sex and suggests how that affects us within sex.
The specific way in which I describe what happens outside of sex, is as if it is like the sex life (the original subtitle of this book was "metaphors of sex and love"). Let me give an example, using a model of heterosexual sex. In order for sex to happen, the male organ cannot be shy and limp and scared to "come out of itself. It needs to confidently present itself, stand erect and move forward towards the female vagina.
Similarly, for sex to happen, for the most stimulating connection to take place, the female vagina must have prepared a space inside that is warm, smooth, adequately enterable with the right level of male thrusting. Now imagine one's relationship outside of sex, in the non-sexual area, as if it were like this (Irrespective of what biological gender you are or what gender you identify with). As a person, you have to come forward confidently, present one's self, stand "erect" and move forwards toward the object of your attraction, if you wish to make a real and stimulating connection.
Similarly, if the other wants to receive you, "let you in", they have to have the openness, the readiness to receive you. It is suggested in this book that when the most exciting and stimulating encounters between you take place outside of sex, and that spills over into sexual excitement, that that is the best sex possible. This can only happen with a real person, because in porn and fantasy sex nothing at all happens outside of the sex act.
Your fantasy lovers just come for sex and evaporate right after sex. You have no relationship with them "as persons" outside of the sexual life.