Life Without the BS: Rants, Raves, and Other Crazy Stuff - E-book - ePub

Life Without the BS is a humorous look at life, marriage, kids, education, and a few other bugaboos including politics, religion, and sex and dating. If you've got an axe to grind against the Obama, Hillary, Rush, or Anne Coulter--we've got you covered there, too. I don't want to give away the farm, but here a few tastes of what you'll find inside. Let me warn--It's finger licking good. Once you start reading you won't want to stop.
On people -As Americans, we're guaranteed the right to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." Only problem is what gets my rocks off doesn't even register on the happiness scale for some crazy ass bastards out there. Believe it or not, people are different, some a little more so than others. On sex and dating -Everything I know about sex and dating I learned from perusing the Craigslist ads.
Don't get me wrong, I used to have a pretty good idea of how to handle myself around the opposite sex, but after twenty years of marriage, I figured I better polish up my dating skills before putting myself back on the market. Apparently the new ritual is for the guy to post a picture of his thingy on Craigslist, along with a catchy slogan like, "I've got a really big package for you, " or "Cum take a ride on my rocket."If everything measures up, the female will email back a picture of her "boom box" or "tater tots."Last time I was in the dating game it took a minimum of three dates to get that far.
But, as they say, everything moves faster in the internet age. On education -I think the biggest flaw in our educational system is we keep turning out class after class of graduates who aren't trained to perform the most in demand jobs. Think about it, we teach kids how to read, write, conjugate verbs, and perform long division, but we don't teach them how to run a cash register, sweep the parking lot, or roundup shopping carts.
Perhaps the most important phrase any high school or college graduate can learn is, "Would you like fries with that?"On kids -I'm not saying God should be singled out for negligence, but who releases new products without warning labels, disclosures, product FAQs, and such? Am I the only one who thinks every new baby should come with a handbook on proper care and handling? A troubleshooting CD wouldn't hurt, either.
And, how about a warning sticker stamped across their ass? That's not chocolate frosting shooting out of there!