She'll Never Admit: What She's Really Thinking in Your Relationship - E-book - ePub

So, you think you know her? You've been with her for months, maybe years, and you've seen it all-the laughs, the tears, the way she lights up when you walk into the room. But here's the truth you don't want to hear: there's a lot going on in her head that she'll never tell you. Not because she doesn't trust you, not because she doesn't care. But because, for her, some things are just easier left unsaid.
She's thinking things you'd never guess. There are expectations, fears, desires, and insecurities swimming around in her mind. Sometimes, it's not even clear to her what's going on in there, so how could she possibly explain it to you? It's complicated, it's messy, and it's something you need to start paying attention to. The idea that women are these mysterious, complex creatures isn't new. You've heard it before, I'm sure-maybe as a joke with the guys, or maybe in the middle of a heated argument when you throw your hands up, frustrated by the fact that no matter what you do, you just can't seem to get it right.
What you don't realize is that she's not trying to be mysterious. In fact, she wishes you understood without her having to say a word. But she'll never admit that, either. Here's the thing-most of what's on her mind isn't earth-shattering. It's the everyday stuff. The small details, the fleeting thoughts. They might seem insignificant to you, but to her, they mean everything. She won't tell you that she's wondering why you didn't notice her new haircut or why you haven't complimented her in a while. She won't say out loud that she's worried you're pulling away because you didn't text her goodnight like you usually do.
And she definitely won't tell you that she needs constant reassurance that you're still as into her as you were when you first started dating. Why? Because saying those things out loud makes her feel vulnerable. And if there's one thing she hates more than you leaving your socks on the floor, it's feeling exposed. She's spent a lifetime learning to cover up her emotions, to play it cool, to not let you see how much she cares, because caring too much feels risky.
She's been told over and over again-by society, by her friends, by past relationships-that being too needy or too emotional is a surefire way to drive a man away. So, she plays it cool. She pretends like she doesn't need to hear those three little words as often as she really does. But it's not small to her. It's never been small. She just never told you how big it really was. And now, it's too late.
The damage is done. So, how do you fix it? How do you break through the walls she's built and get to the heart of what's really going on?The first step is understanding that just because she's not saying something doesn't mean she's not feeling it. Her silence isn't indifference, it's protection. Protection from disappointment, from rejection, from the fear that if she lets you see how much she cares, you'll pull away.
And that's the last thing she wants. But you can't force her to open up. You can't demand she tells you everything that's on her mind, because the truth is, she probably doesn't even know how to put it into words. Instead, you've got to pay attention to the things she's not saying. The way she reacts when you forget something important, the way her mood shifts when she feels neglected, the way she quietly retreats when she's hurt.
These are the clues that will help you understand what she's really thinking, even when she's not saying it.  And once you start paying attention, once you start seeing the patterns, you'll be able to anticipate her needs before she even has to ask. You'll know when she needs reassurance, when she's feeling insecure, when she's testing you to see if you really care.