Strange - E-book - ePub

***********************************************************************************************************************I am so drained, like I have nothing to give anymore. My sea of feelings, despair, sadness, dreams, aspirations has sunk in to the hole in the recesses of my soul, broken heart, self, so and I can't seem to get out of this fit. I am in the middle of myself, a lake, fountain, so dry and exhausted.
I feel like I'm sucked and drowning. I couldn't breathe and couldn't move. Three people were there beside me, I don't know whether to help or guide me, but from what? Help, help!!!!, I whispered, then shouted but as if  I don't have a voice to be heard by the crowd. Then, there's this tiny spark, that light. Like a candle lit from somewhere and sparked continuously from where I was like wild fire.
It ignited something inside me to move forward and refill my dried heart to pursue someone, to trust and be brave to fall in love, again!!!I lived my life without trusting my life and my future with anybody including my family. So, it's been a lonely road for me as I work and succeed in my goals, dreams and aspirations in life. I always think twice if a girl or a person would talk to me or befriend me.
I can be obsessive compulsive when it comes to women but I don't know how to handle them so thank God he hasn't given my parents a girl for my sibling. I only have three brusque brothers who I am very close with until now. My mom and dad lives in the upper east side of Texas and I live in a small town in Houston. I decided to study and work in Los Angeles but when I owned my own corporation I built a company near home yet lived that way I wanted in New York and California.
I still love to go to bars and hang out with friends but I never let myself fall for any girl, however pretty, nice and hot they are. I maybe rich but I'm not dumb nor helpless, deranged nor desperate. I act like I don't care but I do love my girlfriends and when they get drunk I am their prince charming who will fetch and care for them without malice or take advantage of them when they're throwing up  and saying I love you at me in person or on calls.
It's kind of depressing but it's just that most of the times. However, I live my life free from worry and stress since I live alone and I don't have a pet nor a maid to tell me what to do or bother me when I wanted to sleep late or come home late at night or the next morning. Life is simple, free and uncomplicated. I thought what I feel is me, but I only reflect what the people around me feels or experiencing.
My dreams and visions are what I see in others and how they affect me in every situation, good or bad. It isn't I who felt suffocated, used, angry or scared but the people I meet or encounter with. The hurt I endured is the pain one girl felt upon herself. The longing I felt is the desire one girl felt for her friend crush/ And another girl who felt love for a lone time best friend who cares for her just the same.